Dear Driving,

Why must I be faced with your hell every day? I'm not good at you, D. In fact, I suck. You can ask any of my friends. No one wants to ride with me. Ever.

Plus, my gas-sucking car is an impossible-to-maneuver tank.
But it was free, so I shouldn't complain like a spoiled brat.

*Sigh*

You should see me try to park that mammoth ride. Remember this scene in Austin Powers? Yeah. That's me. Every day.

Look, I've weighed the pros and cons. I know with you in my life, I have the freedom and privilege to go where I want when I please. I could be in a different state by tonight — all because of you, Driving. Dude — you've totally taken me places.

But we don't get along, simple as that. Please don't say I didn't try. We've both spent the last decade trying to make this work. Make US work. But the speeding tickets, the wrecks, the flat tires... they sadly outweigh the road trips, the windows-down sing-a-longs and the drive-thru conversations. It's just over between us. I'd rather be driven, that's all.

I want to gaze out windows and jam to solid tunes while traveling, not zoom in and out of lanes at 65 miles an hour in a giant metal box on wheels, surrounded by other giant metal boxes on wheels doing the same thing.

Call me crazy, but that sounds dangerous.

Thanks,

Me