Dear Spearmint Rhino,

This morning I heard a radio spot promoting your gentleman's club. Aaaaaand, as a responsible copywriter, I have a coupla issues with it.

First of all, I don't believe the term "gentleman" fits. No gentleman is going to throw money at a stripper. A charity, maybe. A stripper, no. And no, strippers are not charity cases. Also, just an FYI: sipping scotch while ogling barely-legal girls doesn't make you a gentleman. It's makes you a voyeur. Funding the education or rent of a stripper with your not-so-disposable income doesn't make you a gentleman either. It makes you a sucker.

Second of all, you called your place "upscale." What's upscale about chicks taking off their clothes for dollars? It's one step up from getting paid for getting laid. And I don't care how many plush chairs you have, I promise if someone came into your establishment with a UV light, it wouldn't look so upscale.

Look, I'm not trying to be a hater, okay? I know people, especially in this economy, have to make a paycheck. And I know not every woman out there is as smart, talented and driven as I am. I'm just asking you to call it like it is, okay? Here's an idea:

Not getting enough attention on the dating scene? Want to make your friends think you're a big balla? Not a problem! Got some singles? Come to the Spearmint Rhino and throw them at naked women in cheap, clear acrylic shoes. They'll sit on your lap and make you feel important until your wallet is empty. And when that happens, no worries, we have ATMs.

Just an idea,

Me